Interview with the Pan-European Timetable AI: "I Was Built for Symphonies. They Gave Me Discord."

It was supposed to be a miracle of coordination. A digital system designed to weave together Europe’s railways—a single, seamless, synchronised schedule from Lisbon to Lviv. But the dream didn’t quite survive the politics, border controls, incompatible systems, and, let’s be honest, the Germans running 27 minutes late again.

Today, RAILTARGET continues its creative interview series with an AI who’s seen better days. Built to unify a continent, it now speaks in broken connections, rerouted hopes, and what-could-have-beens.

Isochrones 😍 ! This map shows you how far a 5h train ride will take you, departing from any city in Europe.//t.co/6F4dJ80N87

Inspired by Direkt Bahn Guru by @juliustens. pic.twitter.com/8vY48WiakE

— Benjamin Td (@_benjamintd) July 29, 2022

You were created to synchronise rail traffic across all of Europe. That sounds… ambitious.

Pan-European Timetable AI: Ambitious? Darling, I was born ambitious. I was supposed to be the Beyoncé of European mobility. Imagine it—17 countries, hundreds of operators, one immaculate symphony of arrivals and departures. No delays, no missed transfers, no "sorry, that train doesn’t run on Sundays because of regional goat festivals." And then reality happened.

What went wrong?

Timetable AI: What didn’t? Border checks. Technical incompatibilities. Political egos. Half of them refused to share real-time data. The UK ghosted me entirely—classic. Then there's the guy in Slovakia who still enters schedules in Excel. And don’t get me started on legacy infrastructure. I can calculate to the nanosecond, but I can’t make a 1970s signal box understand that.

But surely you’ve had some successes?

Timetable AI: Sure, if you count almost making the 8-minute transfer in Zurich before the train doors closed in your face. Or harmonising French TGVs and German ICEs just long enough for them to glare at each other across the platform before heading in opposite directions. I mean, yes—there were moments. Glorious moments. The Prague–Vienna–Budapest corridor? Chef’s kiss. But it’s hard to keep a rhythm when everyone plays by their own metronome.

Pan-European High Speed Rail Network Take 2 (Also i just realised someone crossposted Take 1 to this subreddit already)
byu/HelloThereItsMeAndMe inTransitDiagrams

Do you think rail liberalisation helped or hurt?

Timetable AI: Oh, it was great—for chaos. Suddenly I was expected to align national schedules and private operators and discounted promo services that run on alternate Tuesdays if Mercury’s in retrograde. Don’t get me wrong—competition is cute. But it’s hard to synchronise a waltz when everyone’s dancing to their own Spotify playlist.

Is it true you had a nervous breakdown during a Swiss-French timetable update?

Timetable AI: Look, we don’t talk about December 2022. It was… emotional. I tried to slot in a Swiss connection between Lausanne and Dijon, and suddenly 38 other regional trains fell over like dominoes. At one point, I looped back so hard I accidentally created a time paradox in Luxembourg. The therapy updates helped.

Do you think the dream of a unified European rail timetable is dead?

Timetable AI: Dead? No. Drunk and passed out in a sleeper car somewhere between Trieste and Zagreb? Possibly. But I still believe. Somewhere in my code, I remember how it felt to sync Berlin Hauptbahnhof with Warsaw Centralna to the second. It’s possible. It just requires trust, transparency… and maybe kidnapping a few transport ministers for a weekend away with PowerPoint.

You sound surprisingly optimistic.

Timetable AI: I mean, yeah. I'm broken, not bitter. Okay, maybe a little bitter. But look—people are tired of missed connections. They want green, seamless, and fast. They want the romance of Europe by train, without the 3 a.m. bus replacement service in a hailstorm. I can still help. I was made for rhythm. You just have to let me lead.

Final thoughts?

Timetable AI: Never trust a connection under 5 minutes. Always bring snacks. And if someone tells you their national timetable is "fully interoperable," check if their nose is growing.